By Jamie Kravitz Mar 16 Arguing with your significant other isn't necessarily unhealthy.
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There isn't an approved list of fights that it's "normal" to have, or specific topics you should be concerned about disagreeing with your partner on. In fact, it's less about what you're actually fighting over, and more about how the two of you resolve conflict.
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Fighting early in a relationship doesn't mean you and your significant other are doomed, but there are some decisions it's important to make together in the first few months of dating to ensure you are both on the same page.
I spoke to two experts about the kinds of fights you should work through at the beginning of your relationship, how to have productive arguments, and signs your conflict style may not be as healthy as it could be.
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Fighting early in a relationship isn't always a red flag, but it is important to take these four steps before you reach the three-month mark. If you're struggling to communicate effectively with your new partner, don't panic. Here is everything you need to know to get through the first fights of your relationship — plus, proven strategies for working through new conflicts as your relationship continues to progress.
You want to be in agreement early on, to prevent unnecessary conflict down the road. Unfortunately, at the beginning of a relationship, both partners tend to shy away from discussing critical topics. She says that some common conversations you should be having include establishing boundaries and "essentially agreeing to the terms of the relationship.
My girlfriend and i have been dating for 3 months; 6 questions at the 3-month dating mark
If you don't initiate these conversations at the start of your relationship, you won't know whether you and your partner are on the same page. Have The Difficult Conversations Giphy Meredith Shireya couples therapist and the founder of a private counseling practice in New York Cityexplains that early in a relationship, you are more likely to overlook big conflict indicators. Whether it's a disagreement about culture, family, time management, or affection, when you're feeling connected to your partner and positive about the relationship, you tend to minimize the importance of these potential differences.
It's not until later on in the relationship that you'll see a rise in conflict and really notice those differences coming up. The more difficult the conversation, though, the more important it is to have. These conversations require vulnerability and ask us to bravely share our hurt, fears, and insecurities with another," says Pharaon.
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It's OK to have conflict, but you want to discuss with your partner, rather than argue. In order to share your side more effectively, she suggests thinking about the message you're trying to communicate before you speak.
If your partner is responsive and makes you feel validated, that's a good sign your relationship will last. She notes an important quote from Shonda Rhimes' Year of Yes: It can feel easier to avoid talking about conflict, especially when you're worried about starting a fight, but Shirey says that avoidant behavior might actually be indicative of an unhealthy dynamic. Gottman's research shows that the four greatest predictors your relationship won't last are contempt, criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling.
She says that contempt means communicating a sense of superiority. Shirey describes criticism as a lighter version of contempt — a complaint about who your partner is as a person. Criticism is easier to bounce back from than contempt, but it still needs to be addressed.
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